Wat fack!

It is so frustrating to be not able to live your own life the way you want to. Why do you have to tailor your life the conventional way,the way proclaimed by others as the right way? Why are the degrees of freedom just an illusory freedom field bordered with rigid conventions? Why are you given the chance to let go only to be reined in ways that are not pursuasive for had they been so you could have retaliated.Its so sadistic that you can almost hear them laugh. You dont want to explain because you more than anyone else know that you never really tried.You were ready to accept what you thought would happen.There were far too many strings attached and you never checked if they could be untangled.

A twelve hour journey in a rickety bus out of a emotionally stirred home,reading messages with dewy eyes.Eyes,so desperate to fall asleep,to rest enough to be able to overflow again. Trade-offs with time even as a battle was being lost without even an acknowledgment of a flight. The eyes restrained,words choked and smiles plastered in place as the artificialities were ignored and senseless conversations made. The seconds passed by but the lack of urgency was killing them as the hopelessness dawned with every second that passed.Occasional acknowledgements brought out the irony so starkly in contrast with the pretended indifference that they were quickly buried with a shrug.
Words,so desperate to be uttered;so frustratingly suppressed.Shops raided,futile shopping done.Nervous jokes,sideway glances,extended silences,awkward ideas,the descending cover of evening,three more hours and then a clinical,almost cruel end.

...a long walk back home as the night lights blurred for the last time.
When you lose this way,redemption is a crime.

Repartee!!!

Well,we party all night
been doing it since our birth
but then aren't you Nizam
not interested in zest and mirth

goodness it went for eight hours or so
but you were there for half an hour dude
its just my own free will,trust me
nothing in there could keep me glued

reminds me of what happened on the road
when as i neared in on my dream,
I slept only to wake up and find
They'd changed the signboard.

So here I start all over again,
losing count of dusty footsteps
under clouds that promise rain.

Yet another blog :)

Sometimes it seems to me and not without a reason that I create more blogs than I write and since I cant help it I'd just go on.Its like the smell of a new book that drives you to read it but there is only as much that would hold your attention.

My last company blocked blogging and there were times when I actually missed writing and I just could not wait to get onto a computer and start typing away whatever came to my mind.However,now that I have the logistics I really dont feel like writing and atleast not in my old blog.It reminds me too much of Bangalore,something I could do without as of now and it somehow seems naural that that blog reached an end as I left the city.The last two years were really eventful for me.I started working with a lot of self doubt but ended up doing a fair enough job,something I can look back and be happy about.I met a lot of really good people who more than compensated for the friends I had left behind and were kind enough to put up with my reticence most of the times.

Both Rahul and Smita,the people who mattered most in Bangalore,are flying to Atlanta and Sydney this weekend and it's something that is so heartening.I am really happy for rahul not only because he is a fellow Kanpuria but he is someone who really worked hard to get to where he is today.He is a very simple guy and it still amazes me as I try and figure out why he always went out of his way to help me.Some people are just good essentially and you have to be lucky enough to get to meet them.

Nothing I write about Smita will do enough justice to her.She was relentlessly helpful to me all the time.One of those real gutsy people who carve out their own way.I'd always miss her and I just hope life gets better and better for her.

As for me,I have to admit that I haven't really been able to find my feet quickly out here.I am a slow starter anyways but it doesn't help in a place where you have to hit the ground running.I guess I have started liking this place a bit now.The enormity of the fact that I am within its fourwalls is yet to sink in but I know it will hopefully be a good feeling.i hope to learn a lot here from the unusually brilliant people around.The talent around me is dazzling and there is more to unfold surely in days to come.

I'll try and put in my experiences out here in cal on this blog and there is a whole bunch of them already.I dont know how regular I'm gonna be but I hope to atleast continue for as long as I possibly can and may be use it in future.I hope this blog would be a reminder of happy memories in future ...Amen