Wat fack!

It is so frustrating to be not able to live your own life the way you want to. Why do you have to tailor your life the conventional way,the way proclaimed by others as the right way? Why are the degrees of freedom just an illusory freedom field bordered with rigid conventions? Why are you given the chance to let go only to be reined in ways that are not pursuasive for had they been so you could have retaliated.Its so sadistic that you can almost hear them laugh. You dont want to explain because you more than anyone else know that you never really tried.You were ready to accept what you thought would happen.There were far too many strings attached and you never checked if they could be untangled.

A twelve hour journey in a rickety bus out of a emotionally stirred home,reading messages with dewy eyes.Eyes,so desperate to fall asleep,to rest enough to be able to overflow again. Trade-offs with time even as a battle was being lost without even an acknowledgment of a flight. The eyes restrained,words choked and smiles plastered in place as the artificialities were ignored and senseless conversations made. The seconds passed by but the lack of urgency was killing them as the hopelessness dawned with every second that passed.Occasional acknowledgements brought out the irony so starkly in contrast with the pretended indifference that they were quickly buried with a shrug.
Words,so desperate to be uttered;so frustratingly suppressed.Shops raided,futile shopping done.Nervous jokes,sideway glances,extended silences,awkward ideas,the descending cover of evening,three more hours and then a clinical,almost cruel end.

...a long walk back home as the night lights blurred for the last time.
When you lose this way,redemption is a crime.